Cracker Barrel World
Beck’s Sea Change w/ Kevin Costner’s Waterworld
Muvic is the copulation of a visually pleasing “B” movie (volume off)and the complimenting soundtrack of whatever particular musician strikes your fancy, just so long as the sounds and images blend well to make a bitchin’ multimedia cocktail. Good muvic isn’t necessarily intended to “go along with” the images on the screen in the sense of song progression or tempo, but sometimes occurs by coincidence, therefore to reproduce that same effect, particular start times for the music with the movie are established, when in reality: The same random synchronization may occur regardless of any given start time. We at Salt Lake Music propose that a muvic’s start time, should one be deemed necessary, be universal, beginning during the first glimpse of the opening credits (just after the studio logo dissapears) We, however, do recognize the need for readers to establish their own start times, because hey: this is all just something to do when you’re really, really bored anyhow.
Once again muvic turns a dusty, lame tape into muvical mind candy: Cracker Barrel World is a huge flooded planet where the only means of survival is by putting rusty, old, yachting and ski paraphenalia to use like a monkey on a dingy (make your own jokes at home kids) The main character, a lone wolf up shit’s creek with a terd for a paddle, swims like a fish, sails like Sinbad and apparently has the contraptual genius of a Yale engineer. He gets himself caught up in a battle between a colony of tinkers and merchants living in a marine city somewhere in Universal Studios, and the ruthless pirate Dennis Hopper who’s army of thugs obey unquestionably (on waverunners by the way). Combine the Willey Nilly slide guitar and harmonica backed by a string quintet, bow tied spare percussionist and folksy 3 piece kit with abstract shots of Fish Dude’s pontooned, Terry Gilliam style catamaran (this boat is awesome!) under hot pursuit by Dennis Hopper’s brainless Disneyland/Mad Max thugs on jet skis with machine guns, and you’ve got yourself and old man of the sea muvical shlong with zen-coated action. The coolest feature: A scene where the quirky inventor guy escapes a losing battle in his homemade hot air balloon, leaving the women behind to fend for themselves: very Wizard of Oz.
Muvical Bombs
Metal-X: Alice in Chains’ Dirt w/ Brian Singer’s X-Men
Since muvic need be visually stunning, X-Men may have been too cheap into the “B” category to hang with the likes of Alice in Chains, but one extremely cool blend where Patrick Stewart puts on a special remote viewing helmet and searches through New York mentally for a lost girl made this bad trip worthwhile. We muvicians gotta have standards, bored as we are, and cool costumes and special powers aren’t quite enough without the volume, though you gotta admit the ladies in this movie are smokin hot.
Don’t Kill the Leprechaun: Cypress Hill’s IV w/ Robert Stevenson’s 1959 classic: Darby O’Gill and the Little People
I should’ve waited till I was sober for this one. My god was it creepy. Good luck finding it at your neighborhood blockbuster, and for those of you who haven’t seen it yet let me explain: this is one of those Bedknobs and Broomsticks Disney movies where the special effects can really give you nightmares. The eerie and sub-positive mixed scratch and sniff tracks of IV’s music went all too well with the visual oddities like the Banshee, the Leprechauns (who live at the bottom of a well) and fiddle playing by the main character who can sortof mesmerize the little people with his music. Rob Zombie, if you’re reading this: watch Don’t Kill the Leprechaun, let me know what you think. James Bond (Sean Connery) popping into the flick didn’t ease the wierdness either. Bipolar or Neurotic individuals should steer clear of this muvic.
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